


Saeranchoi week Day 3: Memories

by easilyaddictedgirl



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Amnesia, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Memory Loss, aka Asian Drama!Amnesia, or ummm medically incorecct Amnesia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2018-06-07
Packaged: 2019-05-19 11:14:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14872715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/easilyaddictedgirl/pseuds/easilyaddictedgirl
Summary: I made this literally just last night so forgive me if I can't make up a decent summary.





	Saeranchoi week Day 3: Memories

It happened in a blink of an eye.

One second he sees you frozen like a deer in the headlights and the next is when reflex quickly overrode him and pushed you out of the way.

Oddly, he didn’t feel pain right on impact. He also didn’t feel it when his body was thrown across the street like a ragdoll, landing on the hard cemented road. Though if he did, it was really nothing compared to the enduring pains of his past.

What he did feel, however, was him losing consciousness. Loud screams he distinctly heard at first became hazy sobs to his ears. But no rushing car will make him not recognize that pleading voice.

“Saeran, honey, please stay awake, _please_!!! Stay awake for me, sweetheart!!! Please, I lo--”

This must be the pain he was expecting. You sounding so heartbroken and desperate, and no matter how he wills it, he can’t do anything to comfort you. Then his body decided to fail him just before he hears those magic words, never giving him the chance to say it back.

And like every pain he ever deals with, he wishes it to go away.

-

The annoying beeping sound lulls his eyes to open. He sees nothing but blurry meshes of brightness so he blinks and blinks ever so slowly to adjust to it. The next thing he sees are two mops of hair, one seems familiar to him and the other isn’t.

He doesn’t get to hear the sudden gasps and alarmed shouts that follows. Like the pulling of gravity, sleep beckons him and he welcomes it yet again.

“S-Saeyoung, call the nurse!!! Hurry! He’s finally awa-”

-

The second time he wakes up his body feels less heavier. Sure, he still feels like a ton of bricks but at least it’s not the fresh feeling of getting hit by a truck.

(It was a car but he wouldn’t know that until later.)

It was easier to blink his eyes open this time. Plain white walls mainly plastered on his vision but then he noticed you besides him with your head hung low. His eyes trailed on your body and saw your hand tightly clasped against his.

Huh, so you were the one keeping his hand warm.

He opens his mouth to speak, he doesn’t know if he can but still tries. With a croaky voice from his unused throat, he whispers.

“Hey…”

Your reaction was immediate. Head quickly shot up at the sound of his voice, your eyes wasted no time tearing up and sobbing his name. He feels your hand hold tighter ever than before. You looked so relieved and happy which confuses him to an extent since--

“Who are you?”

A part of him regrets what he said when he witnessed the exact moment of someone’s heart breaking.

-

The doctor said it would be better for him to go home since it might help him with his memories. He doesn’t particularly care as long as he can still see the same blue skies on the window of his hospital room. Endless as it seems, he never gets tired looking at it.

But that’s the only thing he ever does. Look at the sky and clouds.

You and his brother were so concerned about this. But he just couldn’t fathom why. He wasn’t hurting himself or anyone. He was eating his meals and participates in conversations. Sky-viewing is a completely harmless hobby.

Saeran knows that you and his brother were waiting for someone else to come back. A past version of him has still yet to hint an appearance in his mind.

But he doesn’t mind his memories not coming back.

The blank state he’s in is ever so quiet. It cocoons him to sleep every night and gently wakes him up in the morning. And the blue sky is his friend that accompanies him throughout the day.

And if his brother claims to love him as he does and if you are truly his best friend as you introduced, then you would support him in this.

His life right now is at peace

-

Of course it doesn’t last. For some reason, he also expected it not to.

Days turned to weeks and he knew he just can’t look at the skies all the time. He’s compliant at first with the activities you mostly suggested since it involves outside and though he’s not particularly keen with outside in general, he gets to be nearer to the skies whenever he is.

One of his favorite activity is when all three of you go out and get some ice cream. He knows that sweet treat is his favorite, he isn't sure why, but he instinctively knows it.

You were walking besides him one day and it’s not that new to him as back before when he first woke up. He noticed you seem to gravitate towards him more than his brother even though you claimed all three of you were best friends. He doesn’t mind it and there are moments he swears his heart seems to be swelling from it though he dismisses it thinking he was still sick.

Cone in your hand, and another in his, he was aware how your heavy gaze never seem to leave him in whatever he does. He was used to it so he just focuses on the delicacy in his mouth.

All seems well until a stench hits his senses.

It was so, utterly _foul_.

No time was wasted since he already feels like he’s gagging. Your presence was entirely forgotten no matter how much of a fuss you made.

Suddenly, he wasn’t even with you, he was in an entirely different place.

Everything is so dark and cramped and that awful smell keeps on flooding his nose. He looks up and he doesn’t understand why he’s so small and frail so all he could do is look up and up and up and hope to see the skies again but--

Striking red hair is what greets him with eyes so terrifying that he would melt into a puddle. The woman snarls so gruesome and raises her hand filled with a half-empty bottle.

“You _useless_ child!! All you ever do is cry and whine all day!!”

He defensively shields his body and cries, “No mom, _please_!! I’ll be good, I promise!!!”

“Saeran!! Please, _snap_ out if it!”

The shout came from a familiar voice but he is still panicking so he harshly shoves the figure down.

He was breathing hard as he opened his eyes to realize he was back at the park. The ice cream no longer in his hand and you were sitting on the ground.

Upon realizing what he’s done, he kneels down and hugs you like his life depended on it. Your scent is much more pleasant and calming so he doesn’t let go until he completely drowns with it.

That day, he remembers his childhood.

On that day also, Saeyoung got some men arrested for drinking alcohol in a public place.

-

The day he got a memory back was probably the trigger on the succeeding ones.

The second memory comes in his dreams. It wasn’t as bad as the first one but it leaves him pretty disturbed nonetheless.

He wakes up panting, and tears were forming on the corner of his eyes. This occurring dream he can’t even fully picture yet it ruins his sleep and keeps him up all night.

The fridge is his new friend during the night. But he isn’t a glutton who keeps it open throughout. He just gets a cup of milk, sips it slowly as he savors it to pass the time and then the steady thrumming of the fridge is the only thing accompanying him so he wouldn’t be alone.

Steps from the hallway he heard were nearing. He knows who is this. And he knows the intention.

Saeyoung is sneaking out to eat HBC again.

His brother didn’t even notice him, and he watched half-amused and unfazed by his pitiful attempt. Saeran speaks up when his brother tips his toe and reach for the top shelf, “How much will you pay me to keep quiet?”

He yelps, and almost falls over.

“Lil’ bro! W-why are you still awake?”

“To make sure you fulfill your promise to them.” He says, taking another sip from his cup.

His twin scratches his head, “Ah.. but we have so many promises to each other! Being best friends and all.”

“So I’m not sure what you mean…” he continues mumbling, averting his eyes and both his hands at his back.

“Oh, I’m definitely sure. Now hand it over.” Saeran bore his eyes to the ones similar to his own despite the color difference, completely serious

“B-but-” Saeyoung looks like he’s about to cry.

He shook his head and sighs.“You know how they get. So better hand it over now.”

Saeran offers his hand out and Saeyoung brings forth both his hands with an HBC in one and--

-low fives him before running out of the kitchen and cackling like a mad man.

“Thanks, bro! I knew I could count on you!”

He watches, dumbfounded, and he shouldn’t be since he expected this from the start. But as he sees his brother’s back getting farther and farther away until darkness envelops him, he couldn’t help but stare as he leaves him all alone again.

_Again?_

The first thing he did was cry and whimper, “Hyung, don’t go.” It just came out from his mouth so naturally with no clear reason why. But Saeran chokes on his sob and can’t calm down. His head suddenly hurts so bad and he screams his brother’s name to come back.

“Saeyoung!! Ahhh!!!!”

He didn’t hear the hurried steps this time.

Saeran was where he was supposed to be but his dream finally became clear and chose to replay on his mind over and over again. He sees in there his brother leaving and he desperately begs him not to. And no matter how loud he pleads, Saeyoung is always at a distance until he sees him no more and Saeran is left in the dust.

“You abandoned me before.” He states and raw unexplainable emotion overwhelms him.

His twin didn’t even deny since he envelops him in his arms and promises he won’t do it again.

That night, Saeran recalls the pain of being left behind.

-

There are flashes of a blonde woman smiling at him. Whether it’s during the day or the night, that woman never seems to escape him. He doesn’t know why, he doesn’t want to know why. But he knows he will find out soon enough.

He looks at the skies more often now than ever. He considers it as his main hobby. Saeran doesn’t care anymore if you or his brother doesn’t approve that it’s all he wants to do.

Saeran doesn’t want his memories back. He just wants to look at the sky and feel the breeze.

He already knows why he is so fixated with this. All the memories he had so far proved to him that his past was painful and once when he was a child he wished to have a restart and only look at the sky and feel the wind.

(He also remembered he told this to someone important but ignores it.)

Saeran isn’t ready to let go of his blank state.

But there are times, especially when you look at him with those eyes, he wishes he has his memories.

He wishes he knows your favorite things so he can surprise you and make you smile. He wishes he understands why you look at him in an expression he can’t determine yet his heart races at the thought of it. He wishes for you to stop with your hesitance in your movements whenever you near him and just do what you wanted to him.

But most of all, he wishes to be allowed to love you like a complete man you deserve to have.

-

He requested to be alone in this journey.

But he doesn’t mind that you were secretly following him. Saeran is sure that you don’t know that he knows so he keeps nonchalant and pretends he never noticed, mostly because you were so adorable in that disguise and how you squeak when he’s near amuses him to no end.

Saeran remembers a church with the blonde woman inside. He doesn’t know her name yet but he vividly recalls the church to the point he knows exactly where it is.

He didn’t need to go here, in fact, he should turn around and go back to his safe zone. But Saeran strongly feels that he owes you this. He thinks, this mysterious blonde, would be the last key before he unlocks everything.

Actually, he is afraid of his decision.

The skies has given him enough comfort to shelter him from the painful memories he had. But then he also found you addicting, in fact, more so. So no matter how this action spikes his paranoia, he knows that at the end of the day he will be in your arms, safe and protected.

With you, he decided one day, Saeran is willing to get hurt just so he can obtain any kind of visions of you.  Instinct tells him that once he overcomes this harsh barrier, the memories of you will be the sweetest reward he could ever receive.

The church is near him. It doesn’t trigger anything so far so he straightly walks ahead. He looks around to his surroundings and notice a particular tree. Now this tree isn’t anything special but it gave off a magnetic aura that Saeran can’t resist.

Under the tree, he searches clues maybe written on its trunk. He finds none but a golden blur shot up at the corner of his eyes. A yellow butterfly flutters in circles near his face. Saeran being still as he watches the scene, it seemed to view him as not a threat and lands on his nose.

He hears a loud snicker and he glances to his left expecting to see you.

But he doesn’t.

The blonde woman is beside him now. Then her name comes to him next.

“Rika, stay still. Maybe it’ll come to you and I can capture it.” Another familiar voice speaks up.

Saeran glances to his right and sees a man with an odd colour of hair. He carries with him a professional camera. The man tucks back his teal hair and lifts the camera to his eyes. The camera brings out a harsh flash that hurts his eyes so Saeran squeezed them hard.

The butterfly already left for a while.

He must have been panicking for now he sees you right in front of him with a concerned face.

He calls your name and says, “I’m fine. Let’s continue this.” Saeran holds your hand and intertwines with his. You squeezed his in return and both of you go inside the church with your hands never letting go.

Throughout the tour, Rika and V made their appearances and makes him breathless every time. The finale came when both of you went down to the basement. Your body covered in his as he tightly holds on to you. His screams sounded muffled on your shoulder but you never let him go.

And in a dimly lit basement of a church that brings salvation, Saeran saw his past self in hell.

Only with you against him, he knows he is always near paradise.

-

Saeran doesn’t understand. And he vehemently hates it.

He’s supposed to remember you now. He remembers his cruel pasts but they all just pause and replay and never seemed to go forward. Saeran could never hate himself as much as he does now.

He wants to see your first smiles at him, your first time calling his name, the first time he hears your laugh and all kinds of first that made him realize he was in love with you. But don’t get him wrong, even though he barely knows a thing on how you two met, it doesn’t take much to realize that his past self was as much as in love with you as he is now.

Saeran just wants to remember the process of it, it isn’t too much to ask.

You assure him that it’s fine even if he doesn’t. All important to you was he is happy and healthy. But _he_ isn’t fine with it. He dislikes the fact that he’s missing your important part in his life. Saeran is already convinced enough that you were the one to save him even though you never spoke a word about it.

He must be frowning again for then he feels a small pair of lips on his brows. He meets your eyes that openly love him and asks with that angelic voice of yours, “What’s gotten you so worked up, sweetheart?”

Saeran sighs and gently pulls you down to him. His lips on your hair as he embraces you and inhales your scent. Your hand affectionately strokes his head in return, sighing in contentment.  Murmuring, he says,”Why can’t I remember you?”

You elicit a giggle, as if this is something funny. He pouts, “This is serious, you know.”

He feels a light squeeze from your arms as your head nuzzled his neck and you hummed in fake agreement. “I’m sure it is.”

Saeran pushes you back gently and you whined at the loss of warmth but then you see his face. He is truly serious about this. You showed him a warm smile and asks him.

“Does it make you not love me anymore?”

“No, of _course_ not!” He protested so quickly. And you felt guilty that you asked him in the first place. But he needs to understand this so you continue.

“Does it make you love me less?”

He shook his head frantically and clings to you again. You willingly return to his arms and relish the warmth again. You sigh deeply and prepare a small speech.

“I know this is important to you and I understand it. But you don’t have to force yourself to remember though I know you want to. I just want you to focus on the present more than in the past.”

You add, “Besides, this made me fall in love with you twice.”

Saeran silently agrees and holds you tighter.

Since then, Saeran decided to enjoy his new memories of you and him together.

-

It happened in a blink of an eye.

You must have been daydreaming when you decided to cross the street at green light. The rushing car didn’t show mercy with its loud honks. He grabbed you back in the sidewalk so quickly that it didn’t register to you what just occurred.

He tsked in annoyance, “This is the second time this happened. What is it with you and crossing the street, my angel?”

You absentmindedly murmured in response, “Sorry, love. I’m such a-”

It dawned on you the words he meant. “What did you just say?”

Besides the fact he might remember the accident, he never calls you anything besides your name. You don’t mind it, it is your name he utters so lovingly afterall. So together with that car reference, you placed both your hands to cup his cheek and made a conclusion.

Testingly, you say his name, “Saeran, honey?”

His eyes brings out a familiar warmth of recognition. With tears forming already, he answers, “I’m finally back, my flower.”

You kiss him even with tears running down your face.

“Since when did you leave?”

-

Despite the harsh past he suffered, he would never wish it to fade away again like nothing happened. For without acknowledging darkness, he can’t truly be grateful towards the light. And without his past, he would have never met you.

From then on, Saeran promised to himself to make his future sweet enough for you too. Even if life wouldn't agree on his plans, at least you were there by his side.

And he would never wish to forget anything again.

-

_Perhaps I had a wicked childhood_

_Perhaps I had a miserable youth_

_But somewhere in my wicked, miserable past_

_There must have been a moment of truth_

_For here you are, standing there, loving me_

_Whether or not you should_

_So somewhere in my youth or childhood_

_I must have done something good._

Oscar Hammerstein III

 

**Author's Note:**

> yeah the theme i went with is memories but i had to be extra so i added my favorite poem/lyrics


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